Secrets to Successful Internet Dating
by Stephen Nash
Many guys nowadays are going online to meet women. And why not? There are some great services out there, and we have all heard too many success stories to downplay the potential of meeting great women online.
For starters, the best online services are nerve.com, match.com and lavalife.com. They are the best because they are the most popular. Being the most popular, they give you the best choice.
If you are skeptical about online dating, join the club. But, before you write it off completely, go to one of the above sites and do a free search. That should convince you that there are many attractive women who are looking for men online. So, why not try it out?
It is the social norm for men to approach women. So, if you are out at a bar or club and you see an attractive woman, you will have to approach her to meet her. Women typically don't approach men in social settings. They will signal their interest to you in many ways, but the actual "move" will have to be made by you.
The beauty of internet dating is that it gives women a forum to indicate what they want without it being embarrassing or socially "unacceptable". This helps to simplify things for men too - before you even send your initial email, you know some things about her and what she is looking for.
Let's cover some of the basic must's to successful internet dating:
1)The most important thing to have on your profile is good pictures. This should be obvious. Initial attraction is so critical when beginning a relationship. If it is not there, the two people will never come together.
To give yourself a fighting chance, get some good pictures of yourself. I am not talking about getting a pro photographer in tow, but rather have a friend with a digital camera take 20-30 pictures of you. Pick out three to four, and use them to launch your profile.
It's a good idea to put up a variety of pictures, such as: one in a suit, one dressed casually, one of you doing a hobby or conveying an interest of yours. Also, make sure you are smiling. Don't be one of those guys that posts pics with his shirt off, or with Zoolander male model face. Those are basically female-repellant. And please guys, don't make them pornographic - G-rated pictures only.
2)Next, you will have to send your initial email. This should be fairly short, but needs to be both funny and insightful. In other words, be sure to read her profile - let me repeat that - be sure to read her profile! So many guys send out standard emails to women online, and it is obvious to them that you have taken no time to read about her. If you read the profile, can make a light joke out of something she reveals, compliment her and share something in common, you have a strong chance of hearing back from her.
3)A great place to be humorous is in the subject line. She is more likely to open your email if it catches her attention. A great way to do this is with a humorous remark about something in her profile. Be sure to keep the humor lite,and never, NEVER, make fun of her picture.
4)As for the connection, be sure to quickly indicate that you have things in common with her. This helps to alleviate her anxiety about meeting you. If you have nothing in common, she will feel like there will be nothing to talk about and the date will be awkward and uncomfortable. For the purposes of the first contact, begin a conversation with her by indicating that you share commonalities.
To summarize, in the first email you want to cover these three things: humor, a compliment and make a connection.
A few final notes:
- Never use the "wink" function. "Wink"ing is for women to signal their interest to you. If she "wink"s, you send an email.
- Feel free to ask for her phone number after a couple of rounds of messages. A simple, "why don't we continue this by phone? I am happy to call you. If you're comfortable with that, reply with your number, and we'll take it from there."
- When on the phone, be sure to keep it very light, again using humor as much as possible. Talk for a few minutes, then arrange to meet her.
- The first date needs to be something where no $ is spent. Why? Sometimes, one or both of you are not happy with the look of the other. People often put up very flattering pictures, which don't resemble their actual look in real life. So, meet at a gallery, or a park, or a free event. You don't want to walk away from a first internet date having spent $50 on a meal do you? Meeting for coffee, in this case, is also a good idea.
- If you are out with her, and you do like her, a great compliment is: "You know, your pictures are great, but you are much more attractive in real life." This way, you help her relax. She is definitely going to feel awkward with her appearance and will hope you find her attractive. Put her mind at ease, and about 20 minutes into the date tell her she looks great.
- Lastly, the first date is a total wash. It is really to see if both of you feel any attraction. Make no fast decisions about personality and style after a first internet date. Usually, both you and she are very guarded. Wait until the second date at least until you begin to feel out her personality, her values, her style etc.
- Last, but not least - and this may be the best kept secret to internet dating. Be sure you check out the profiles of the women without pictures. Why, you ask? Often, these women are VERY attractive and don't have a pic up because they want to avoid getting 50+ emails per day from guys online. I am dead serious about this one guys. They post a profile in hopes that someone will actually READ it (hint) and treat them like a person, rather than a hot body. Be sure though that you get a picture from her before you meet her. That is fair, and she will understand. It is also true that very unattractive women do not include pictures.
So, good luck with the fascinating world of internet dating. I hope this has been helpful. As always, I wish you the best.
About the Author
Stephen Nash of Cutting Edge Image Consulting (CEIC) is the author of the book How To Get A Girlfriend: The Seven Essential Skills for Attracting the Woman of Your Dreams and Natural Attraction, 7 CD Audio course on image enhancement and dating for men.